'Twas on the good ship Venus,
By Christ you should have seen us;
The figurehead
Was a whore in bed
Sucking a dead man's penis.
The captain's name was Lugger.
By Christ he was a bugger.
He wasn't fit
To shovel shit
From one ship to another.
The first mate's name was Carter.
By God he was a farter.
When the wind wouldn't blow,
And the ship wouldn't go,
Carter the farter would start 'er.
The second mate's name was Hopper.
By God he had a whopper;
Twice round the deck,
Thrice round his neck,
And up his arse for a stopper.
The second mate was Andy,
By Christ he had a dandy,
Till they crushed his cock
On a jagged rock
For coming in the brandy.
The third mate's name was Morgan,
By god he was a gorgon,
From half past eight
he played till late,
Upon the captain's organ.
The captain's wife was Mabel,
And by God was she able
To give the crew
Their daily screw
Upon the galley table.
The captain's daughter Charlotte,
Was born and bred a harlot,
Her thighs at night
were lily white,
By morning they were scarlet.
The cabin boy was Kipper,
By Christ he was a nipper.
He stuffed his arse
with broken glass
And circumcised the skipper.
The captain's lovely daughter
Liked swimming in the water.
Delighted squeals
Came when some eels
Swam into her sexual quarters.
The cook his name was Freeman,
He was a dirty demon,
He fed the crew
On menstral stew
And hymens fried in semen.
The ship's dog's name was Rover,
We turned that poor thing over,
And ground and ground
that faithful hound
From Tenerife to Dover.
And when we reached our station,
Through skillful navigation,
The ship got sunk
in a wave of spunk,
From too much fornication.
Alternatives
The captain's name was Morgan,
By Christ he was a gorgon.
Ten times a day
He'd stop and play
With his fucking organ.
The first mate's name was Carter.
By God he was a farter.
He could fart anything
from God Save the King
To Beethoven's Moonlight Sonata.
The captain's daughter, Mabel,
Though young, was fresh and able,
To fornicate
with the second mate,
Upon the chartroom table.
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